Update...

I realized I never updated on the whole tubal pregnancy thing. Following is what I posted to my extended family after I knew everything. It still seems appropriate for most of you, so I just cut and pasted to make it easier on myself! However, this was a little over a month ago now, so below it I updated a little more.

"Just thought I'd update, since most of you know at least part of the situation. Pregnant; miscarriage; not a miscarriage, but an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy I ended up having removed-along with part of me- in emergency surgery. This has been the last month or so of my life. Physically, I feel fine and am basically back to normal, with a couple more scars. But this week, following up with my doctor, we found out my chances of ever conceiving naturally again are very bleak. The tube I have left is to a polycystic ovary (different than what I thought). BUT..... miracles can happen, and I've been told our bodies can do some pretty amazing things. For now we're waiting it out and seeing what happens, and looking into other (mostly very expensive) options. I don't feel hopeless; just discouraged, frustrated, a little sad.... It's hard when your life is not what you thought/tried to plan, I guess. But Joel has been great, and so have all of you (I'd especially like to thank Becky Jo for answering my endless phone calls and just letting me talk to someone!), and I guess Heavenly Father has a different plan than we thought. We're going to roll with it and what is supposed to happen will happen! Sorry if any of this was an overshare for anyone."

So, after this I moved fairly quickly into kind of an angry stage for a while. A lot of frustration because it just seems like there's so much in the news and around about people neglecting their kids to death, or getting pregnant so young or in a bad situation and having no problems. As a good friend of mine with similar issues says "It just seems like crackwhores and teenagers can get pregnant with no problem, and those of us who have loving homes to offer have all the trouble!" I paraphrase, but it's been my favorite quote for a while now. But more than that, in some ways I feel like I'm being punished. And when I think about what we're going to have to go through no matter which way we get more children- which I still believe we're supposed to do- it's very daunting. I mean, considering making payments on our own children, like they're a loan or something, ugh. I still have yet to go to church without breaking into tears at some point......HOWEVER, I don't want everyone to think I'm down all the time. Most days I'm just fine. And I realize that most of these feelings are because I'm just more sensitive to these things right now. I'm sure the news has always had these examples and I just haven't paid as much attention. Same with church talks and lessons. And don't even get me started on that video going around the net about how Obama voted for infanticide! Anyway, I really do have a positive attitude about the whole thing. Like I stated before, I really do think that somehow we are supposed to and will raise more children. And tho it's going to be quite the process no matter which way we get them, imagine how grateful we will be! And how much more we already appreciate Christopher! Just wanted to make sure I'm not just bringing everyone down, but I did want a realistic record, in case at some point my experience can ever help someone else out. Thanks to everyone for caring!