Tale of 2 Pregnancies

I am only talking about this pregnancy and the one with Christopher, of course. It seems to me that the only thing they have in common is that early on, I was and am, exhausted! I could take a nap every day! During our vacation, I did! Now it's just whenever I can. Otherwise though, nothing is the same for me. I am nauseaus ALL the time. With C, I only threw up once, in the 4th month. Couldn't eat Panda Express for almost 2 years. This time around, I've already thrown up twice. Ick. I am always either starving, or overly full. There's no in between! It's driving me crazy!

The worst part has to be the worrying, tho. With Christopher, I had already miscarried, but for some reason, I had no fear. I was thrilled with every horrible thing that happened to my body. Perfectly happy to be exhausted, worried when I was NOT nauseaus (Oh, what I would give for that now!) and relieved the very few times I was. Thrilled to be wearing maternity clothes.....everything. This time, although I am so excited, and I really, really do feel like I'm going to have this baby; there's still fear behind everything. Every little pain makes me want to call the doctor (I don't). I feel immense pressure, pressure I'm sure I'm putting on myself. I feel like it's a huge miracle I got pregnant at all, and if something happens, I'm not sure I'll be so resilient emotionally. My magic date (I hope) is February 5th. According to the chart, that's when I'll hit the end of the first trimester. I hope I'll be able to relax at that point!

The best part has been Christopher. Some days I really worry that we told him to soon, just in case something happens. But most of the time, I'm glad. He says the cutest things. Everyday at least twice he says "Mom, I'm happy" and if I don't ask why, he'll keep saying it until I do, at which point he'll say "I'm so happy about the baby" He already "kisses the baby." He gets new toys and the first thing he says is "I'm going to share this with the baby." Other things he throws out at random: "Our baby is a good baby;" "Our baby is cute;" he also says it's a boy. I really and truly don't care what this baby is, as long as it's healthy; but I am a little worried about what will happen if it's not a boy for him. Of course, everyone else wants a girl; so I'll be consoling someone no matter what! The cutest thing happened at church the other day. During sacrament, a little 1-year-old boy (The Perry's, for those of you GWV ward members) toddled over to us and hovered at my knees. After a minute I gave him one of C's cars to play with. C was not happy about this, so I said "How are you going to share with our baby if you can't share with this baby?" I unknowingly completely confused him, because he looked from me to the baby and back again, and then said "Did our baby get out? Is this our baby??" Joel and I had to laugh. Not sure how that looked to everyone in the middle of sacrament meeting, but it was just SO funny! I assured him it will be quite a while before our baby comes out, and that my tummy will get really big first. He seemed relieved that he doesn't have to share everything quite yet!